Why else would my lunch plate look like this (and sometimes with pickles on top)?

Or my husband be carving an entire turkey breast that I roasted at 10:00pm on a 90 degree day? (seemed like a really good idea at the time)

Or my children find fun new creative uses for emesis bags? (Yes, these are clean.  But I did throw up in a ton of them at work...whew! Glad those days are in the past!)

Well, yes, it's all her fault:

:)

Precious little baby #4 :)

William is being promoted to big brother come January! And Ellie gets a sister! And Caleb is so excited, too.  We feel so blessed with this newest little sweetie on the way. 

Overall I feel great, and I'm just so in awe of God's little miracle.  The fact that he chose Dan and I to be the parents of four children is such an honor and blessing beyond anything I ever expected! 

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with JOY." Psalm 126:3

I feel really guilty to admit that it's not without it's challenges.  I hope I am not alone in this.  (And if I am, please don't judge....) Something about pregnancy makes me feel at the same time the strongest and weakest I've ever been.

Strong, because I get to experience and live a miracle every second.  Knowing that life is growing where there was none just a few months ago.  Getting to see and feel my precious little girl growing inside, knowing God has given her specifically to our family. What more could I ever ask for?

But there is weakness in it as well- the fears, the unknowns, the anxieties, feeling out of control (which is always hard for me, I love control! haha) of what is really going on in there.  Having to trust God for that which I cannot yet see or know, resting in the fact that He is growing and protecting this sweet little girl inside of me.

I feel unworthy of the blessings I've been given.  I struggle to know that I am loving those around me well.  I fear the unknown.  And I hate that this sometimes steals my joy.   Pregnancy reveals the most vulnerable parts of me.

Here are some verses that help me on days when life is overwhelming or when I let my unwarranted anxiety get the best of me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one, but I want to share in case anyone else has similar struggles.

"Now faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen.  It gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11

My prayer: God you made me and know me.  Gentle me to fully embody who you made me to be, to bloom where you have planted me, to fully love those around me, and trust you with my whole heart.
I echo David's prayer of gratitude in 2 Samuel 7.  "Because of your promises and your love and faithfulness to me, I have courage to pray: Lord, you are God, and your words are true.  You have promised good things to me.  May it please you to bless this family, that it may continue forever before you."

2 Cor 12:9: "And he said unto me: My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

"You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you." Isaiah 43:4

So, I'm choosing to see my weakness as a great opportunity for God to show up in our lives, for His strength and love to be known. He is reminding me every day, every moment, with every little baby kick, that He is an amazing creator with a wonderfully unfolding plan for our growing family.  And for that I am so thankful!

Thanks to you, all of our family and friends, who we get to journey with.  Thanks for all the encouragement, the support on days when life is overwhelming, an extra hand when mine are full, a dose of reality when my patience is thin or when I'm tempted to complain, for a reality check when I let my own fears get the best of me, for laughter, for loving and investing in all of our children, and for being tangible reminders of God's continual goodness to us!

We look forward to this little girl's birth with hopeful anticipation, knowing that our lives will be more full of joy than every before!

"I am your creator.  You were in my care even before you were born." 2 Corinthians 12:9