"Lets not get bogged down with things that don't matter right now.  What really matters is that our kids feel loved and safe.  That's it. Anything else is a bonus."
~beautiful reminder from Elli Johnson @ellijohnsonUK

COVID-19.  This is a week (month?...months) we will always remember.  Complete shut-down of our entire city, most of our state, country, and even our world.  All non-essential businesses and services are closed, including schools, restaurants, venues, parks, universities, sporting events, etc.  

I haven't even really processed it.  We are on autopilot at the moment.  Homeschooling 4 kids, instructed not to leave the house or be within 6 feet of anyone outside of our immediate family, and not knowing if there will be food on the shelves at the grocery store.

I am taking my job at KU Med one day at a time. 

  And my hope is that this will bring out the best in me, and not the worst.

If I'm honest, I feel "the worst" creeping up lately. I feel a heaviness that I can't explain- call it anxiety, fear, restlessness, overwhelm...I don't have a label for it. I like things neat and tidy and planned and predictable and labeled. I have none of these things at the moment.

But.

Gratitude helps.

I am grateful that the worst thing we are dealing with at the moment is how to exist under lockdown together.  I'm grateful for this time together, no matter how chaotic.  I'm grateful for the ways the kids are stepping up, pitching in, each doing their part in the operations at home.

Caleb is killing it at keeping the dishes done- and there are MANY.  Even while Dan continues to run a company from his makeshift downstairs "office", he can also be found baking the kids blueberry muffins for breakfast or managing the daily schedule if I'm not home, or teaching Caleb to use the weedeater, or playing catch, or snaking the drain in our shower when it backs up.  He puts in LOTS of hours of work, and is doing overtime with the kids, too.

 I'm ever grateful for solitary runs and fresh-air walks with the dog. I'm grateful for all of my neighbors and friends who have lessened the blow by being kind and generous and all-around good humans.  I am so grateful also for my "neighbors" and friends around the world who are reaching out, providing solidarity and honest dialogue, and reminding me that

we
are
ALL
in
this
together.

It's remarkable the ways that others have blessed us when we need it most.  Dan's parents gave us a package of toilet paper they had in their car (worth more than gold right now!).  Lindsey brought over the most delicious soup after a long exhausting day (and the kids inhaled it!). Natalie did a stealth front step drop-off of some much needed conditioner (from her own stash) since I completely ran out.  Our friend Jeanette who surprised us with a bag of Easter goodies and told me we've been on her heart and in her prayers (as she said that, I was holding back tears because -boy did she have no idea how much I needed to hear that at that VERY moment).  There have been lots of "I'm heading to the store- need anything?" texts, and "How are you guys holding up?" checkins, and plenty of funny texts that seem to come just when I need to laugh and stop taking myself too seriously.

I am finding this quote by Michael Kruger particularly encouraging and convicting right now:

"We can only stop the virus by doing what is best for others not just for ourselves. The virus will be curbed when people embody a spirit of self-sacrifice.  A posture of self-denial...And that requires a worldview that gives us a reason to deny ourselves.  A reason to think of others.
In other words, we need a worldview that is about more than us."

My prayer is that our kids will look back on this time and remember how people all over the world came together to battle this pandemic, and how many in our community sacrificed their time and risked their health to care for the most vulnerable among us. How their teachers and coaches went to extra effort to set up conference calls and at-home curriculum.  How we did "school" by focusing on what the kids are passionate about at the moment (Ellie prepped a presentation on "The Science of Slime").

How we rekindled our love of being ALL together in the same space.

And that "church" is SO much more than a building we visit once a week


Making do with what we have.

Dinner conversations and morning prayer times (which for us, are simultaneously beautiful and COMPLETELY chaotic, and messy, and LOUD!)

One of our kids said (to their sibling) at dinner, "I'm starting to see the good parts of you".

Another shared, "It makes me remember that people are doing hard things in other countries too.
It helps me understand how people feel that are going through hard times."

 I'll count that as a WIN. 

Our stance as a family right now is:

"Spread kindness, not germs!"

It's fun to see the kids' personalities shine in all of this (both the "bright spots" and the "opportunities for improvement" hah).  William got such delight out of delivering treats to our neighbors- generosity comes so naturally to him. It's remarkable to recognize how God has gifted him with this, as I can take no credit!  Afterwards he said, "I can't wait until next March 18 because I think we should do a "ding-dong-donut delivery EVERY year".  And I think we will. 

We are diligently protecting ourselves and others, while at the same time extending kindness in any way we possibly can.  On the days when we have extra energy, resources, or creativity flowing, we use it to extend love and encouragement to others.  And on the days when we are depleted and have nothing to give, it seems like there is always someone around who brightens our day, and it teaches us to accept the help, and even to ask for it when we need it.  And eventually we pay it forward.

Because, we are all in this together. 

Because some days we are all...

puppy snuggles

and fashion shows

and ice cream

and flowers

and instagram-worthy

and other days we are all...

Pinterest fails:

and day-drinking coke out of wine glasses:

and William packing his knapsack and running away:


and (not shown) me hiding in the bathroom, or under the covers, or laying on the driveway in full surrender.


xoxo to all of my fellow strugglers out there.
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